


you made it all worth it

by jjcofeesa



Series: carry on tumblr fics [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Light Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, canonical vampirism, i PROMISE this is actually fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-30 02:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16756420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjcofeesa/pseuds/jjcofeesa
Summary: for the prompt: fluff, growing old together. a character study in baz.





	you made it all worth it

**Author's Note:**

> this is an Old fic, so pardon any uhhhh bad writing lmfao

Baz is eleven when he meets the love of his life.

He’s eleven when he meets his greatest enemy.

Baz is eleven when he meets Simon Snow.

Simon Snow, the beautiful, messy, annoying, unsure, golden boy who shares Baz’s room. The quiet boy who doesn’t know magic, doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be doing.

The Mage’s Heir.

Baz hates him immediately.

 

Baz is twelve when he realizes that Simon Snow is an idiot.

That he can mess with Snow and always get a rise out of him.

Baz hates Snow, but he knows he’s stronger than him.

Baz is not afraid of Simon Snow.

Baz loves to hate Simon.

 

Baz is thirteen when the blood thirst sets in.

He’s thirteen when he walks into his room and sees the other boy as food and not just an annoyance.

He’s thirteen when he realizes he is a monster. When he realizes he could take Simon out, for good.

Baz hates that Simon is so alive.

Baz hates Snow.

 

Baz is fourteen when he realizes he has a crush.

Baz is fourteen when he sees Simon Snow and thinks, for the first time, _I’m fucked_.

Baz is fourteen when his heart is broken. When Simon Snow gets an equally golden girlfriend.

Baz hates Simon Snow.

 

Baz is fifteen when he sits on the edge.

He’s sitting on the roof again and he wants to jump off.

He wants to end his miserable life, if he can even die.

Baz almost killed Simon. He almost killed Simon Snow.

He almost extinguished the golden star who’s asleep in their room below him.

 _Would it have been worth it to kill him?_ he wonders. _Would it be worth it to jump?_

Baz hates Simon.

Baz loves Simon.

 

Baz is sixteen, and he’s tired.

He’s tired of Snow’s deliberate attempts to ignore him.

He’s tired of a clumsy boy trying to walk on eggshells.

He’s even more tired when he remembers how quiet Snow was when they were young, and how quiet he’s become this term.

Baz loves Simon Snow, but he also hates him.

 

Baz is seventeen, and he feels like his world is about to end.

His father constantly warns of war. _It’s coming_ , he says. _Be ready. You will play a part._

_Play your part. Do not fail us._

If failing means keeping the boy he loves alive, Baz wants to fail.

Baz hates that he loves Simon Snow.

 

Baz is eighteen, and nothing has gone to plan.

He was supposed to be the corpse on the ground, and yet he’s alive.

He’s as alive as he can get, but the part he cares about is that Simon Snow is alive.

He’s holding Simon Snow. The broken sunshine boy that he’s needed for years is in his arms.

Simon is holding Baz too. Simon Snow is kissing Baz like he needs it.

Baz loves this broken boy.

Baz loves Simon Snow.

 

Baz is nineteen, and he cannot believe his luck.

He’s woken up next to Simon Snow for the past few days.

He turns over now, to look at the freckled boy next to him, and he can’t help but smile.

Simon is his.

Baz is in love.

 

Baz is twenty, and his heart stops.

_I love you._

Simon looks worried now. Baz hasn’t said anything for a minute. He’s dumbfounded.

_B-Baz, I- Baz?_

Baz can’t make words out out of his mouth. All he can do it kiss the stuttering, nervous, gorgeous idiot in front of him.

 _I love you too_.

 

Baz is twenty-five, and he’s nervous.

There’s a ring sitting in his pocket and a golden man sitting across from him.

He knows they’re young. But he cannot wait another day.

Simon has no idea.

When Baz finally asks him, at the end of the night, Simon cries.

In the moment where Baz is holding Simon close to him, he realizes.

He’s so lucky.

Baz loves Simon.

Simon loves Baz.

 

Baz is thirty, and he just wants to go back to sleep for another minute.

But Cherry is jumping on the bed, wagging her tail so loudly Baz can hear it swishing, and Natasha’s crying in the other room.

But Simon is so warm next to him. And he doesn’t have to work today.

Simon grumbles something about getting the baby before she implodes, but Nat stops crying and they can hear her snoring through the baby monitor.

Baz wraps an arm around his husband, who’s warmer than he is.

He’s comfortable.

 

Baz is forty, and he doesn’t know where the time went.

Simon pushes up his glasses, and Baz stifles a laugh, remembering when hey were both young and Simon didn’t need the (ridiculously large) glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.

Simon sees him laugh, and nudges Baz with his shoulder. _I get it, I’m old._

_Not old, darling. I’m just remembering when we were small._

_When we hated each other?_

_When we were in Watford. Nat’s about to start._

The two men share wistful memories and lean in on each other.

Baz never thought he could have this.

But he does.

 

Baz is fifty when Penny figures it out.

_Baz, I can reverse it. I can cure vampirism._

_You brilliant bastard._

He looks to Simon and gets what he’s always had: support.

He doesn’t know if he’ll do it. He’s not sure he could at this point.

But he’s sure he’ll have Simon. And that’s all he needs.

 

Simon is sixty years old, but he still feels eighteen.

He still feels like the nervous boy rewriting all the rules in his head.

Sitting next to Baz, seeing Natasha and her wife and their new son reminds him how worth it it was.

To have taken the chance.

To have kissed Baz in the woods that night.

Simon rests a head on Baz’s shoulder.

_You made it all worth it._

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! this was originally posted to carryonheadquarters.tumblr.com, but you can find more of me at infinityonhighvevo.tumblr.com :)


End file.
